“ you have been in your marriage for 20 years and you still call me to complain about your marriage, something must be wrong with you” : The Real Reason Ayra Starr’s Mum is Cutting People Off
ByJay carter , MetroTea TV writer
In Nigeria, we often say "follow who know road." But when it comes to friendships, sometimes the best way to move forward is to leave some people behind.
Recently, a video of Ayra Starr’s mother went viral. In the clip, she wasn't talking about her daughter’s global music success or fashion. Instead, she was dropping heavy gems about something every Nigerian woman understands: the politics of friendship and the "husband factor."
Her reasons for cutting people off might seem harsh to some, but if you look closely, she is simply teaching a masterclass on protecting your mental space.
The Friend Who Tells Her Husband Everything
One of the main reasons she gave for ending a long-term friendship was a breach of privacy. She mentioned a friend who had the habit of reporting every single gist they had back to her husband.
"Do I even know him?" she asked in the video.
This is a common issue in many circles. You think you are talking to your "bestie," but unknown to you, you are actually talking to her husband too. While transparency in marriage is good, Ayra’s mum argues that there must be a line. If I share my secrets or my struggles with you as a woman, it is because I trust you. It is not an invitation for your husband to become a silent judge in my life.
When your private business starts becoming a topic for another man’s dinner table, the trust is gone. Ayra’s mum didn't make a scene. She simply stopped taking the calls.
The Husband Who Won't Mind His Business
It wasn't just about the wives. She also mentioned a friend whose husband was constantly interfering in their friendship.
In some cases, you find that a friend’s husband wants to dictate where you go, what you do, or even what you talk about. Some husbands even try to "police" their wife’s friends. For Ayra’s mum, a third party has no business inside the engine room of a female friendship. Once the husband starts becoming a "member" of the girl group, the dynamic changes from a safe space to a monitored zone. She chose her peace and walked away.
Twenty Years of Complaining
Perhaps the most relatable point she made was about the "energy vampire" friend. She spoke about a woman who had been married for over twenty years but did nothing but complain about her marriage every single day.
Now, friends are meant to be there for each other during hard times. We cry together and we pray together. But there is a point where venting becomes a burden for the listener. If you have been complaining about the same thing for two decades without taking any steps to change your situation or your mindset, you are no longer seeking help. You are simply dumping your emotional trash on your friend.
Ayra’s mum admitted that it became mentally draining. To save her own joy, she had to let that friendship go. You cannot fix a marriage that isn't yours, and you shouldn't lose your own happiness trying to carry someone else’s cross for twenty years.
Why This Is Sparking Debate Online
The internet is divided, as usual. One side says she is right. They argue that as you get older, you realize that "peace of mind is expensive." If a friendship is bringing more stress than support, it has expired.
The other side feels she is being too "hard." They argue that friendship is about endurance and that after twenty years, you should be able to tolerate a friend’s flaws. Some even say that in marriage, a husband and wife are "one," so sharing gist shouldn't be a big deal.
The Lesson for Us All
Whether you agree with her or not, Ayra’s mum is highlighting something very important: Boundaries.
In Nigeria, we often value "long-term" over "healthy." We keep friends for thirty years even if those friends make us miserable, just because we want to say we have old friends. But time does not equal quality.
Setting boundaries doesn't mean you hate people. It means you love yourself enough to stay away from what hurts you. It means:
My secrets are not for your husband.
Your husband is not my friend’s "monitor."
I am your friend, not your emotional dustbin.
Final Thoughts
Ayra Starr’s mum is showing us that she is the original "Sabi Girl." She knows who she is and what she will not tolerate. Life is too short to spend it on the phone with people who drain your energy or expose your life to strangers.
Sometimes, the best way to "Rush" into your destiny is to cut off the weight holding you back.
Watch her video below
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